A Right Pair of 'Nanas
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost: Matt and Tai are experiencing Sex Ed class. They are given a banana and a condom, and asked to dress the banana appropriately. Pity they can't figure it out between them... Not Taito


Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together.

**Author's Note; 23rd June 2008** – Please remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

_**A Right Pair of 'Nanas**_

Matt blushed as the banana was put on the desk in front of him. He looked at Tai and saw that he was blushing too. Well, at least he wasn't the only one. He looked back to the banana, which was most definitely trying to look innocent. And it did- until the teacher put the packaged condom next to it.

"I'm never gonna be able to look a banana in the eye again." Matt heard Tai mumble next to him.

"When did you last see a banana that had eyes?" Matt hissed back. Tai grinned lopsidedly as the teacher began to talk.

"Okay, you've all watched me do it. Now I want you, in your pairs, to put the condom on the banana."

"I hate sex ed." Matt cursed under his breath.

There was a sudden increase in noise as everybody turned around to their 'partner'.

"How come I got stuck with you?" Matt complained. Tai shrugged.

"Same reason I got stuck with you, now lets go." Tai picked up the banana. Matt just _looked_.

"You're kidding."

"No- I hold the banana, you give it it's outerwear. Then we switch."

Matt looked warily at the banana.

"Ooookay." His eyebrows flicked as he picked up the packet. And tried to open it.

"I though the whole idea was to prevent you getting stuff! How does it work- it gets you so frustrated the libido wears off?" Matt scowled. After several more moments of Matt fiddling with the packet, he threw it at Tai and suggested,

"Let's swap."

Tai sighed and relinquished the banana.

Within moments, Tai had opened it. He waved it and said, beratingly,

"See? It's not hard."

"Look, get going with the banana already." Matt blushed and held it out. Tai looked at him.

"It's a banana, not a gun, Matt." Matt changed the angle slightly and held it out again. Tai fumbled with the condom for a moment, then stretched it out.

"No, that's not it." Matt said, shaking his head. "You have to hold the end first, so the air in it doesn't…yeah."

"You were _listening_, weren't you?"

"Yeah, weren't you?"

"No."

"I can't get this-" Tai began, but was interrupted as the condom flew out of his hands and over his shoulder. Matt watched it go.

"Way to go, Tai." Tai burst out into peals of laughter.

"Tai, could you come and fetch your condom from my desk, please?" The teacher said, a tinge of irritation in his voice. Tai had the decency to blush and fetch the piece of rubber quietly.

When he got back, Matt sighed.

"I think you'd better give _me _that." Matt held his hand out and Tai, chastened, put the condom into it and took the proffered banana from the other hand.

"Right." Matt said, decisively. He held the top of the condom convincingly and made to put it over the banana. Tai was watching, brow furrowed.

His expression turned into a manic grin when Matt's hand reappeared _through_ the condom. Matt blushed and quickly took it out.

"Ut-oh." He lifted it up and exposed the big hole. Tai began to giggle hysterically.

"Tai! You stretched it too much!" Exclaimed Matt, putting the condom on the desk and attempting to make it look pretty. Tai was too busy laughing to respond. Instead, he put up his hand to indicate the teacher.

"Yes, Tai?" the teacher sighed.

"Sir? C-can we get another one of those? M-matt just _broke_ ours."

"It's not a never ending supply boys- don't break any more." The teacher admonished, opening his drawer and handing another packaged condom to the blushing Matt as he came to collect.

As he got back to the desk, he smacked Tai around the back of the head.

"You stretched it. Now, open _that_." He put the packet into Tai's hand. Tai rubbed his head, then set his sights on the small, oblong packet.

"You really need to get this 'opening the packet' thing sorted out, Matt." Tai patronised, easily opening the condom's seal. He read the label and grinned.

"Ooosh, we got a bigger one this time!" Matt wasn't _quite _sure where he wanted to look, but he knew it wasn't at Tai, the banana or the packet.

"Trust you to notice _that_, Tai." Matt scowled. "That means you don't have to stretch it as much."

"At this rate, you boys are going to be here all night." The teacher sighed, looking at Matt and Tai.

* * *

Alone in the room, Tai, Matt and the teacher looked at the bruised banana. All the others had left for the next lesson.

"Aren't you lucky that this is a free period for me. You can have the classroom all to yourselves, because you're not leaving until that banana is wearing that condom." Matt and Tai tried to suppress groans of irritation, but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't.

"I'm going into my office. I'll be back soon." He looked at the banana again. "Are you sure you boys don't want me to show you again?" They both nodded enthusiastically and the teacher left the room, shaking his head.

They watched him leave.

"Now what?" sighed Matt, sitting down in the chair and lounging over the back of it, rocking it on it's back legs and running his fingers through his hair.

He looked down when he didn't receive an answer.

"_Tai!!_"

"Tai looked up through a mouthful of banana.

"What?" He asked. Matt slapped the banana out of his friend's hand.

"I want to go _home_ tonight, you know?" He said, irritated. Tai swallowed what he'd already chewed of the banana and then got up.

He wandered over to the teacher's desk with the banana.

"_Now _what are you doing?" Matt asked, utterly confused by Tai's actions. Tai looked up from rooting around on the teacher's drawer and grinned.

"Looking for the sellotape." Matt blinked, and then groaned.

"_Please _don't tell me you're going to tape the end of the banana shut."

"Hey, look, we only got one banana." Tai replied, finally digging up the sellotape and using to it do exactly what Matt had feared.

"Look!" cried Tai, waving the banana. "Good as new! Kinda…" Matt slapped himself on the forehead and let himself fall onto the desk. He sensed Tai's shadow fall over him as he reached for the condom.

Looking up, he watched as Tai attempted to put on the condom whilst holding the banana- something they hadn't dared to try once since the beginning of the lesson. He stood and continued to watch Tai struggle, a grin spreading across his face at the stern look of concentration on Tai's.

Suddenly, the condom flew out of Tai's hand again, in Matt's direction. Tai looked up from his concentrated task just in time to see the condom flick off Matt's cheek.

In an instant, he was curled up in the chair, laughing his lungs up. Matt's deadpan expression showed that he didn't quite find it as funny as Tai. He folded his arms as Tai continued to laugh, smacking his fist on the table in his mirth.

"S-s-sorry…" Tai forced, wiping tears from his eyes. He was surprised to find Matt giggling when he could match eyes with him again. This started Tai off again. Which started off Matt.

Very soon, the pair of them were incapacitated with laughter. Between them, they laughed until their lungs hurt, and when one could stop, the other started him off again.

"Oh…_ow_…" wheezed Matt.

"Y-you think we'll be here until we're too old to p-put this knowledge to use anyway?" Tai giggled, and Matt shook with laughter again, shaking his head in an 'I don't know' motion whilst laughing too much to speak. He wiped his eyes.

"You know what?" He giggled, and took the banana out of Tai's limp hand. Tai looked inquisitively at Matt as he unwrapped the sellotape from around the decidedly worse-for-wear banana. He peeled off the strips that Tai had already started, and then took a bite out of the banana, shrugging with a big grin on his face.

Tai laughed harder than ever, and Matt laughed whilst trying to swallow- which he soon discovered was a bad idea. He choked, and Tai quickly slapped him on the back. There was a moment of nervous silence where Tai made sure Matt was okay and where Matt made sure Matt was okay, too. When they both discovered that he was, they started to laugh again.

When Tai had enough breath, he took the condom and, still giggling, started to blow it up like a balloon. Matt laughed hysterically again. Tai couldn't keep blowing up the condom; he needed the breath too badly. He let it go and it blew sadly halfway across the room. By this time, they were incapable with hysteria again.

* * *

"Gaah! Matt yelled and ducked, as a water-filled condom burst against the wall above his head. Tai grinned and ran back to the tap in a soaked shirt. Matt had better aim than he did, although he'd managed to get a few good shots in.

They'd lifted the entire box of condoms from the teacher's drawer in a fit of total boredom.

Matt already had a full 'water balloon' and chased across the room towards Tai, who was still at the tap. Tai realised too late and tried to run- but was caught halfway by the water-wielding Matt. As he caught his prey, he burst the 'balloon' over Tai's head.

Tai gasped, the cold water spilling all through his hair. It was icy against the warmth of his head and for a moment, he was shocked into stillness. Matt paused for a second, afraid that he'd hurt his friend. It was a pause too long, as Tai recovered quickly and emptied the water out of his current, surprise pink, condom over Matt's head. He gasped too, and they ended up in a pile on the floor as Tai caught Matt off balance, and Matt grabbed at his friend's wet shirt as he crashed to the floor.

"My God, what happened in here?!" The sudden exclamation was unexpected- and not from either of them. Their eyes widened as they realised they'd been caught out. Both of them turned around simultaneously to find themselves looking at the irate face of their teacher. Both of them blushed a rather nice surprise pink.

"Get up, the pair of you." They did so, heads lowered, trying not to giggle. Teacher folded his arms.

"Right. You _do _know that you're both going to the next lesson like that, don't you? And you get to explain to your teacher and the rest of the class how you got like that!" He stamped over to his desk and opened the drawer. Matt and Tai winced.

"So that's the rest of the packet of condoms I see in pieces on the floor, is it?"

Matt and Tai tried to find different corners of the room to gaze into.

"Right. Okay. That's the way you want to play it, fine." The drawer was slammed shut.

Fishing keys out of his pocket, the teacher opened the _locked _cupboard attached to the desk. And pulled out two bananas. And two condoms.

"You boys are taking this as homework tonight, and I want you here- at eight o'clock- tomorrow morning, to show me that you can do it. Understand?"

"Yes Sir." They intoned.

"You will also come to me at the end of school to pick up letters for your parents."

Matt winced and Tai grimaced.

"Yes sir." They replied, their reply just a little more animated.

"Believe me, this is getting off lightly. Although I hope you're thinking of really good excuses to tell your next teacher as to why you're soaking wet. What lesson do you have?"

"Math." Replied Matt.

"Science." Answered Tai.

"Good. Then you'll both be made rather nice examples of, I'm sure."

* * *

Matt leaned forward in the chair, switching his gaze from the condom to the banana from time to time. The look on his face was a complex one. He decided on the packet first, tearing it with his teeth.

"Oh, wait…I'm not supposed to do that, am I?" he muttered to himself. He looked at the slightly torn edge.

"Aren't these things supposed to have a ringpull or something?" he growled.

He heard the door open and panicked.

Explaining to Dad what he was doing in the front room with a condom and a banana wasn't going to be easy- in fact; it was going to be downright embarrassing. He hid the still packaged condom under his leg and hid the banana behind his back, still holding it tightly.

"Hey, Matt." Dad said as he walked through the front door.

"Heh." Matt replied, grinning. Dad paused and looked at Matt through slanted eyes. Then held his hand out.

"Give."

"What?"

"_Give_." Matt sighed, and first of all gave Dad the letter that had been sitting on the table, one hand still behind his back. Dad looked at Matt warily, then took the letter.

It seemed to Matt that he took _forever_ to read it. Now and then he would look away from the letter and at Matt, giving no reassuring looks at all.

"Hmm." Dad stated and folded the letter. Matt waited. Dad handed the letter back with one hand, and held out the other for whatever Matt was hiding.

Matt conceded eventually, after casting glances between Dad's hands and his stern-looking face. He took the letter and then handed over the banana and the condom, blushing slightly.

Dad sighed, and Matt prepared to be berated.

Instead, Dad spent no more than fifteen seconds concentrating on the banana and when he had finished, it was complete with an electric blue mackintosh. He grinned at Matt's astonished embarrassment.

"You think you and TK were accidents?" He grinned wider and handed the banana back, walking out to the kitchen.

With a bewildered pout, Matt looked back to the banana in his hands. And stared.

_-fini-_

Thank you very much for reading. I'll be uploading more old files soon! :-D


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